If you didn't get a chance to see Al Franken and Bill O'Reilly going at it during a BookExpo America panel on C-SPAN2's Book TV, whoooooeee, baby! you missed a hell of a show. (We don't seem to get C-SPAN2 here in Culver City, but they stream their programming (RealPlayer), (Windows Media), so I caught the rerun online.)

It is really astoundingly easy to push Mr. O'Reilly's buttons.

(Oh, yeah -- Molly Ivins was there, too, playing the voice of reason.)

Well, duh.

OUTRAGEOUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"For bureaucratic reasons, we settled on one issue, weapons of mass
destruction, because it was the one reason everyone could agree on."
- Paul Wolfowitz, Deputy Secretary of Defense

That seems to be the quote of the week, and it keeps coming back to haunt me -- I emailed Mr. Langdon and he over-attributed me, as though I had posted on my own raggedy-ass "blog" (as the kids say). I mean, all I did was send him a couple of links, from Eschaton and Plastic (an older QuickLink) Honest, that's all!

The first casualty of the 2004 race -- John Cusack.

Uzbekistan seems to have started on the pathway to a US invasion. (There's a pretty standard timeline: first, the US-supported regime's repression and torture, then the revolution, then the Islamic republic, then the trumped-up charges of imminent danger to the US, and then around about 2018 we can go in and kick ass...)

You are "Complicated"


What Avril Song are you
brought to you by Quizilla

The Japanese never disappoint.

My first sighting of the "Wha' hoppen?" meme. Damn you, Mike LaFontaine!

Here's a little controversy for you, Mr & Mrs America -- Ari Fleischer is a poopyhead, and I'm glad he's retiring. Hah!

Thank god for the Nuge -- still fightin' the good fight against "liberal hippies in the media" (oh, yeah, and Japs and niggers, too.)

Rockstar Games has Grand Theft Auto (the original) available for free download, for all you avid auto, uh, thefters.

Rock-Paper-Scissors-Spock-Lizard Scissors cuts Paper. Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors. Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes Rock. Rock crushes Scissors.

Teen Lingo, straight from "The Source".

Fo' shizzle.

Chris Matthews is an idiot.

The Mighty Wurlitzer is cranking itself up, and the So-Called Liberal Media is uniting to suppress the furor over Bush's Top Gun lite visit to the USS Abraham Lincoln. Of course low-rated basic cable commentator and former Republican congressman Scarborough is spewing the party line over this, but even alleged news network CNN is digging up anyone and everyone who is willing to give the impression that this outrage is merely a case of sour grapes for the Democrats. (Scarborough, predictably, smeared Senator Robert Byrd as "former KKK member", although he didn't, as far as I was willing to keep watching, refer to Bush as "former alcoholic and deserter". Go figure.)

The American Prospect's TAPPED has a fine, although almost certainly doomed look behind the curtain at Mr. Bush's recent visit to the USS Abraham Lincoln. Although it had already been out for ten months, the longest ever for a nuclear-powered carrier, "[t]he ship was slowed so Bush could spend the night on board before it docked on Friday, officials said."

And Clinton got a shitstorm for a fucking haircut.

Screw this taco stand -- I'm looking at the prospect of making a lot of money real soon:

Subject: TOP OF THE DAY
Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2003 17:35:54 -0400 (EDT)

ATTN:THE PRESIDENT/C.E.O.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am DR. Yetunde Bassey. Bank Manager of Diamond Bank of Nigeria, Lagos Branch. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

On June 6, 1999, a FOREIGN Oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Barry Kelly made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$25,000,000.00 (Twenty- five Million Dollars) in my branch.

Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Barry Kelly died from an automobile accident.

On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Barry Kelly did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$25,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.

According to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if
nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as an Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Barry Kelly so that the fruits of this old man’s labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.

This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits, which will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the service of an Attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world, which you will provide, will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 65% for me and 30% for you.5% Will be for settling expences on my part and yours,also for tax when the funds arrive yourcountry.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction.
Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply. Via the following email addresses: bayet@hknetmail.com, bayet1@hknetmail.com, bayett1@mail.com.

Thanks and regards.
DR. YETUNDE BASSEY.

Somebody appreciates the value of the MRJEFF3000 brand...

Reviewer/blogstar/payroll expert Matt Langdon takes a detour into Joe Bob Briggs country with his latest DVD review, for the box set French Erotic Collection. See? I told you he wasn't just a film snob!

I'm surprised it's taken him this long to stake out an online presence: Rough Point -- Geraldo Speaks Up.