CPFC BBS Archive - Favourite songs about drugs

This message board thread makes me have bad feelings in my brain.

"There She Goes"?

"Another Girl, Another Planet"?!?

(just say no!)

Shakespeare Resource Center - An Encapsulated Biography

Happy Birthday, Bill! (probably)

Mr 3000 - The Official Movie Website

Mrjeff3000

DAMMIT! I better see a piece of the action here, Touchstone!

Scientology - Corin Nemec a Scientologist - find out what I have gained from Scientology...

Parker Lewis can lose!

Cosmic 419er lost in space | The Register

I've gotten several of those "419" Nigerian spam scams (no doubt you have too), but none of them can hold a candle to this one. (The Register didn't make the obvious joke; neither will I.)

LittleGreenFootballs or Late German Fascists? (the LGF quiz)

LittleGreenFootballs or Late German Fascists? (the LGF quiz)

(I got a 92%.)

ACA: Cornhole Tournaments

Who says Fark doesn't teach you useful information? Where else would you learn about the American Cornhole Association? (Cincinnati seems to be just full fo cornholers!)

Brad Carson for Senate

When Coolio said, "There ain't no party like a West Coast party, because a West Coast party don't stop," he must have been talking about Western Oklahoma.

(Brad Carson for Senate)

Rance

Rance. Supposedly an anon-o-blog of a fairly well-known actor, possibly Owen Wilson.

The Trommetter Times: Annoying Democrats

I Am Linked! I can't exactly say how, or why, but it is so. ALL HAIL MRJEFF.

Results...

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

nerd!

Star Wars: Episode III | Episode III Release Dates Announced

I have already scheduled a sick day.

FilmForce: An Interview with Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert is a big dorky nerdy dork. Cool!

The Blogging of the President: 2004

If you haven't heard much about the recent Daily Kos/Fallujah atrocities comment brouhaha, this piece at The Blogging of the President: 2004 condenses it down pretty well.

Air America

Two blogs from your pals at Air America Radio:

MAJORITY REPORT RADIO
THE O'FRANKEN FACTOR

Riders In The Sky News

Shocking news today from MRJEFF favorites Riders In The Sky:

RIDERS ANNOUNCE LINEUP CHANGE
SO LONG WOODY, HOWDY MIKEY

Harmony Ranch, Nashville, TN.— April 1, 2004 —

In a stunning move, Riders In The Sky announced today a personnel change, the first in more than a quarter century for the storied western group.

In an amicable parting of the ways, fiddling fan favorite Woody Paul will leave the group and be replaced immediately by Mikey, an Atlanta-based musician with extensive film and TV credits.

...

"We wish Woody the best," commented Riders' guitarist Ranger Doug. "I won't deny the shock we all felt at first when Woody told us his plans, but we'll come out of this stronger than we've ever been. The great ones always re-invent themselves and that's what we'll do. It's the Cowboy Way."

Reinvention indeed. The Riders are, to a man, agreed that no-one could replace Woody, but they're betting the ranch that fans will soon fall in love with Mikey just like they did. "He's a fine musician," enthused Ranger Doug. "You wouldn't believe a two year old chimpanzee could cop all of Woody's licks but he sure does. If anything, his intonation may be even better."

...

Any downside to this rosy picture? "I had some issues about bus hygiene," said Too Slim. "But when I saw him pee in a bottle I said 'That's our monkey!'"

When asked about the future, Ranger Doug waxed philosophic. "You know, chimps that take care of themselves can expect to live 65 years. It's possible that once we've all checked out, Mikey could inherit Riders In The Sky and keep the legacy going. Since some scientists believe we're descended from apes, and Mikey would, in a sense, be descended from us, it would come full circle. Yes, a nice thought."

In other news, Too Slim noted that it's April Fool's Day.

Not sure about that irrelevant bit at the end, but good luck to you guys!

XM Radio - America Left

First XM makes all its music channels commercial-free. Then they add a Punk channel. Now this.

(this is good)

thieves crash party, steal id, get blogged | Metafilter

MeFi informs us of the case of Danah Boyd, blogger, whose purse was stolen at a party. What, oh what, Gentle Reader, is an aggrieved bloggette with phonecam photos to do? Appeal to the blogosphere for justice, natch!

Only time will tell if Danah's efforts in solving The Problem of the Purloin'd Purse will prove successful. But MRJEFF wishes her and her merry band of vigilantes only the best of luck!

Touch-tone Amway

MRJEFF's apartment manager dropped by this evening with AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for me to SAVE 20% OR MORE on my phone bill. ACN, he said. And handed me a sign-up form (already mostly filled out, for my convenience).

It looked good. But he'd tried something like this in the past, when roomie and I first moved in. Manager Jason is an entrepreneur^*, you see. And I was concerned about the "deadline". I need to send this in today, he said. I told him it looked interesting, but I'd need to look it over. Research. Consult with my roommate Mike. I'd let him know tomorrow. Tomorrow's fine. Let me know before 10. That's my deadline.

So off to Google I go. BBB says there are no complaints about the service. And then. A link, to a site on an anti-MLM webring. Multi-Level Marketing, the pyramid scheme's slightly more reputable brother. ACN, it turns out is not primarily selling telephone service. Rather, it's promoting "opportunity" - the opportunity to sign people up, in the hopes of making money off them. Touch-tone Amway.

^* For more information about MRJEFF's apartment manager, visit http://heartsofpassion.org. Opportunities abound!

Merriam-Webster Online

Horrors! The dreaded homosexual agenda has ensnared Merriam-Webster!

???????

Creepiest webcam EVER.

STRANGEco }} NEWS } In Crowd Series 5 - Punk Is Not Dead

Oi! Act out the anarchic fantasies of your youth with AMOS Toys' punk figures!

Ask MetaFilter | Community Weblog

Dear Ask MetaFilter: I just started dating this really awesome girl, and we spend the night together often, and I want to know how long I have to wait before I can fart in bed.

Your Internet At Work.

Clow vs. Cuban!

My boss (loosely defined) does not blog.

Unlike the boss of someone else I could mention. (Again, very loosely defined.)

You win this round, Matt.

(via Fark)

Kovar/Hall

This is exactly why I didn't stay a Physics major. Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass.

P.S. - this is why, too.

Po Girl mp3 fun!

Two more free mp3s for the handful of people who read this bloggie-doodle: From Po Girl (a partial spinoff of the Be Good Tanyas, City Song and Cold Hungry Blues. (As always, right-click to save.)

Ach - I've been neglecting the ol' MRJEFF blog way too long. Mea maxima culpa, Gentle Reader.

So, here's a little filler to tide you over:

Who's Spamming Me Now?

• Doctor Fit ("Lose Weight Without a Diet!")
  
• Tangelo P. Mississippi ("Qdox vollgespritzt und rausgetropft!")
  
• Nolan Dove ("Womens survey says ENLARGE? [as seen on tv]")
  
• Liabilities P. Bisque
  
• Guadalupe Mcgill
  
• Barrister Dennis Oliseh (The ubiquitous '419 scam' is at this point one of Nigeria's main industries!)
  
• Dick Mcintyre ("The Hughest [sic] Cocks You Can Ever Imagine !")
  
• William Drummond ("Big Tits + Round Asses = Really Hot Girls !" [True, true - ed.])
  
• Herringboning F. Prince ("You can cnsoolidate or eliminate your dbet, today!")

It's nice to feel needed and appreciated.

Alfred the King of Disco, Dick Hyman

Amazing Wacky Free Download of the [insert arbitrary unit of time]: Alfred the King of Disco. (right-click to download here)

Kerry/Brokaw 2004!

For your consideration: Kerry/Brokaw 2004!

Fucking ROBBED

I have only one thing to say about this year's Academy Awards.

My roommate and I are pretty goddamned lucky that, when they revealed the winner for Best Song that the only thing I had in my hand was a bit of crumpled up paper towel. Otherwise, I'd have had to replace our television.

Hollywood is dead to me. D'ya hear? DEAD!

Knitting needles! IN MY EYES!!!

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to that segment of the MRJEFF3000 fanbase who have been very very very sad because I have not been blogging too much lately.

Sadly, the last few weeks have been among the most stressful of my life. It is very difficult to blog about wacky stuff when your job makes you want to keep sticking knitting needles in your eyes over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Does that answer your question, Chris?

Anyway, MRJEFF has been over to talk with HR, and is following up on a couple of promising leads. If any of you Gentle Readers have anyone MRJEFF should talk to in order to locate non-soul-destroying employment, please leave a letter in the hollow in the old oak tree over by old man Haney's place.

chuck_palahniuk: I got the article from Playboy ! I scann

A pretty fucking goddamned fucking funny story from Master of Mirth Chuck Palahniuk.

Ask Senator John Edwards about Valerie Lakey sometime, whydoncha? I'm sure you'll laugh and laugh...

Look At My Circumstance!

Selling SUVs, Big Time -- Someone at Lincoln-Mercury either Just Doesn't Get It, or else is the most evilly cynical bastard on the planet.

(confirmed here)

"Would you fuck me? 'Cause I'd fuck me"

Ashton Kutcher is 30. But guess what, he's still hot and I'd still do him. "

Thirty? OLD???

Bitch.

(But she's still hot and I'd still do her.)

Nova Scotia Highway Web Cameras

Nova Scotia Highway Web Cameras

(The provincewide state of emergency is continued until further notice.)

A service to our Maritime groupies

Lake Agassiz

You think the Great Lakes are great? Not long ago, during the Pleistocene there were other giant bodies of fresh water that left their mark on the land. Lake Missoula. Lake Lahontan (remnants still exist as Pyramid and Walker Lakes). Lake Bonneville, of which Utah's Great Salt Lake is but a tiny fraction.

But the biggest of them all was glacial Lake Agassiz, larger than all five Great Lakes put together.
(Inspired by a recent comment at CalPundit.)

if ultragrrrl can hotlink this image, my blog certainly won't slashdot 'em...

Blog for America : A Beginning not an End | February 18, 2004

Dean's out of the race. I dunno - this could hurt his candidacy.

WOODTV.com & WOOD TV8 - Grand Rapids news and weather - Adult magazine part of school fundraiser

"Young girls with no panties, young girls in white socks, young girls looking at his wank-mags with him, young girls doing it with one another while he watched"

Becker was disgusted by what she was seeing on the pages of her teenage daughter's new magazine. 'I was appalled...I was very shocked...literally shaking when I was reading it."

Sonuvabitch! I had a subscription to Asimov's all through my junior high years, and I never had any idea that it was an ADULT magazine!

www.Anna Waronker.com

Okay, now this is a FOX "reality" series-in-the-making, innit? From former that dog bandmember Anna Waronker's website, the item:

Anna Waronker & Charlotte Caffey are finishing the scoring for "Lovelace: the Musical", starring Tina Yothers as Linda Lovelace. The musical is in the workshop phase and Anna & Charlotte were in NY recently. Currently Lovelace is being scheduled for a Spring opening Off Broadway.

Tina Yothers. Linda Lovelace. Maybe it's all the vodka-and-NyQuil I've been drinking, but after this, I gotta lie down for a while...

FOX Fall Schedule

So I'm flipping through the channels when all of a sudden a whole lot of little people in a hot tub take over the screen.

I didn't even have to look at the cable box to know. Who else but FOX could possibly combine America's love for "romantic" "reality" shows with its fascination with dwarfism? A second and a half of Janet Jackson's more-or-less uncovered breast gives a swooning nation a case of the vapors, but The Littlest Groom offends nobody!

Or, almost nobody. My first impulse was to think, hey - this opens up a whole lot of new possibilities! Like, Who Wants To Marry A Black Guy?, and Bachelor Jew! (Okay, my real first impression was, "Yay! Oompah-Loompahs!" Bad me.) Turns out I'm not alone - actor Danny Woodburn is also a little worried about where FOX is headed.

Behind-the-Blog: During the research for this entry, MRJEFF3000 staffers ran across Reality Blurred, a website exploring the manipulation of reality and its impact on culture and society. Added, added bonus: an essay by David Neiwert, of Orcinus fame.

"Deficit of Decency"

"Does any responsible adult ever listen to the words of this rap-crap?"
-Senator Zell Miller, music critic

Jizz and Pap

Once again Langdon informs us that this year's "Jizz and Pap" list is out.

The official MRJEFF opinion remains the same as last year's.

MSNBC - S. F. authorities officiate at scores of same-sex unions

Looks like it's been a good day for love. And it's not even Valentine's Day, yet!

...

Uh, oh... The stress of publicly sanctioned homosexual monogamy has broken up yet another relationship.


Oh, yeah -- that Ken is one raging heterosexual.

Fairy Dance

I may not know art, but I know what I like.

Julius Schwartz Dead at 88

The Silver Age is over.

Julius Schwartz, DC Comics' Editor Emeritus, has died at the age of 88. In his incredibly long, incredibly influential career, he did the kinds of things that nerds like me can only dream of. As a Golden Age of Sci-Fi literary agent, Schwartz sold the first Ray Bradbury stories. Later, as a comic book editor, he singlehandedly revived the superhero genre, by updating the Flash in Showcase #4. By the time I started reading comic books, "Julie" had become such an institution that he, as editor of the Ambush Bug books, frequently actually appeared in the issues, berating artist Keith Giffen and writer Robert Loren Fleming.

Harlan Ellison is writing the NYT obit, which should show up in a day or two.

UPDATE: 2/12
NYT's obit is online, by someone named Eric Nash.

Marc Evanier says that Harlan Ellison's tribute will appear elsewhere.

staugustine.com: Local News: Public records audit: Some records requests met with suspicion and threats 02/07/04

Thirty Florida newspaper recently decided to see just how their public officials would respond to requests for public records. (The Florida constitution guarantees the right of citizens to have access.) How did they do? Not so well, sadly.

Some government agencies tried to justify their suspicions by citing heightened security concerns brought on by the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

In a post-audit interview, Taylor County Superintendent Oscar Howard said his district was hesitant to produce his cell phone bill because the volunteer wouldn't give his name.

"He could have been a terrorist," Howard said. "We have to ensure the safety of children." [emphasis added]

Howard couldn't explain how a terrorist might use his cell phone bill to harm children.

JON CARROLL

He's not going to win. He'll drop out of the race soon, after losing in Wisconsin. But, says Jon Carroll, we all owe Howard Dean our thanks, for energizing demoralized Democrats (and 2000 Greens like yours truly).

I gave him $25. But the news media decided they didn't like him primary voters went for Kerry and Edwards. *sigh* ABB. That's the focus. Anybody But Bush.

Nebula Award Nominees Online

Slashdot tells us of this year's Nebula Awards for the year's best Science Fiction and Fantasy, and links to a couple of the nominees, including Greg van Eekhout's Will You Be an Astronaut?, which is a wonderful, inspirational and deeply chilling short story.

So I've had that dog's Retreat from the Sun for like five years now - how is it that I'm just now really getting into this album?

Maybe it's like a few months ago when I all of a sudden kept making myself Chinese chicken salads...

So...very...dizzy.... Must...lie...down....

Thanks, Sarah. Thanks a whole lot.

Meccapixel.com 1.13 | Michael Cosentino

I helped out Rashomon with his umlauts earlier today, and he's returning the favor by turning me on to Meccapixel. Photoblogging, like, uh, wordblogging, is really beginning to realize the power of the internet. Not only is the internet the place you really can find just about anything, but linkblogs are becoming word-of-mouth v2.0, filtering the best out of this incredibly vast infoscape.

When I started this post I really didn't mean for there to be quite so much e-jargon.

Anyhoo, isn't this just the New Yorkiest?

Mr. Picassohead

I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

Yahoo! News - Dean Calls FCC Probe of Breast Incident 'Silly'

Obviously Howard Dean is far too unstable to be president. Doen't he know we have to Think Of The Children?!?

Hey, how about those Super Bowl commercials?

Bud Lite: Ha! Ha! That preppie got bit in the testicles! That'll teach him for dressing well and having an attractive dog! Faggot.

Van Helsing: Looks like Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein given the LXG treatment. (I just realized - Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein [Frankenstein's monster, actually] are all Universal monsters. Way to crap on the legacy, guys.)

H&R Block: Are we really still making jokes about Willie Nelson's tax problems? Wasn't that twelve years ago?

Levitra: Baseball is like a pathetic, floppy, flaccid penis. Football is like the magnificent iron bar that is a monstrous erection.

The Budweiser ad with the donkey was cute.

Pepsi: People have been talking about the big iTunes song giveaway for months. Highly underwhelming commercial.

Bud Lite: Horse farts + candles = comedy gold. Tell me again why CBS won't show the MoveOn.org commercial?

Pepsi: Anything with Biz Markie gets my vote.

IBM/Linux: Muhammed Ali tells a ten-year-old Marshall Mathers to go open source. I think.

Halftime: What is Kid Rock wearing? It looks like he just took an American flag, cut a hole in the middle and wore it like a poncho!

The NFL 'Tomorrow' ad was cute, too.

Bud Lite: Is there a rule that all Super Bowls have to have chimp commercials nowadays? And this one has suggestions of bestiality! Tell me again why CBS won't show the MoveOn.org commercial?

Mastercard: Homer Simpson. Well, it was better than last week's episode.

ShardsO'Glass Freeze Pops: This doesn't seem like a very useful product. Oh, wait - it's an anti-smoking ad. I sure hope it doesn't advocate not smoking...

Chrysler: Okay, the guy is already stopped when he says "Wow." So we should hear it immediately. The sound isn't a mile back trying to catch up. You all noticed this right away too, didn't you?

And then it was over. New England beat Carolina, 32-29. Which, I guess, foretells a Kerry victory over Edwards. Or something like that.

Apple - Pepsi

That Apple/Pepsi 100 million iTunes song giveaway starts tomorrow.

Please feel free to email your unused winning codes to MRJEFF3000. Or stick 'em in the comments.

Nut Tree Remembered | TheReporter.Com

"Everyone has their own perception of the place firmly embedded in their minds and that won't be replaced," said Roy Moehrke, a Nut Tree employee for more than three decades. "There is no other place like it."

The Nut Tree, remembered.

If you never drove through Vacaville while it was around, you just won't understand. Once upon a time, the Nut Tree was the only point of interest, other than the rest stop/scenic overlook in Vallejo, in between San Francisco and the Central Valley along I-80. For a Northern California kid with low expectations, the Nut Tree was the place you always begged your parents to make a stop, so you could look at yourself in the funhouse mirrors, or rock in the giant rocking horses, or check out the toy store or candy shop, or -- if you were really lucky -- ride the miniature railroad out to the Nut Tree Airport and back.

The thing I remember best about the Nut Tree isn't the train, or the colorful lollipops, or the airplane-themed souvenirs, or even the aviary surrounding the restaurant. None of these (except possibly the candy) can compare to the overall 1950's It's-A-Small-World design of the place. If you know what I mean.

I guess you had to be there.

In the meantime, won't you please have a pumpkin muffin? Or some marshmallow sauce?

Calpundit: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction Department

Calpundit's Kevin Drum once again proves Lily Tomlin's adage, "No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up."

("Why does American History hate America?")

OSCAR.com - 76th Annual Academy Awards - Nominees: Music (Song)

Oscar® nominations were announced today. We at MRJEFF3000 will leave it to others to hash over this year's list. The only thing that's important to us at Your Official MRJEFF Blog is the prospect of another Mitch and Mickey reunion.

President Bush Speaks with Nation's Mayors at Winter Meeting

Awww. The puppet fell off...

Julia is so smart.
I’m annually reminded.
Yeah Julia is so smart.
She used to be a goth kid.

Video for Julia, by Limbeck. (23 meg QuickTime.)

TAPPED

Here's an article from TAPPED which considers Howard Dean's approach to problem-solving as influenced by his medical background:

If you've ever spent time in the medical arena you know that being a physician is something very different from being an attorney, which is what John Edwards, John Kerry, and Joe Lieberman are. Your stance to the world is simply different if you're a physician, because -- outside of a few specialties, like plastic surgery -- your power doesn't come from how you look or how you appear or even how you sound. It comes from your knowledge and the capacity to do things no one else is authorized to do in their daily lives -- to touch bodies, to demand of individuals, to prescribe courses of action -- and from the human power of interaction. You can't convince people to be healed, no matter how eloquently you speak about disease and suffering or what you wear. You have to actually do something to make a person better. You also have to do the right thing. And if you don't, the consequences can be dire and literally deadly.

And, of course my favorite passage would have to be, "...they're kind of dorky, just like the science nerds they used to be....The Deans are a couple who met in a neuroanatomy class. That about says it all."

DubyaSpeak.com >>> We record the damage.

George Dubya speakifying: DubyaSpeak.com

Whiskey Bar: Bragging Rights

"No President has ever done more for human rights than I have." -- George W. Bush

insound - mp3s

Another batch of indie mp3's for your downloading buffet, courtesy of the Insound label.

The Story So Far...Archive

As much as I would love to support a lunar base and manned missions to Mars, I can't. And it's not a knee-jerk opposition to George W. Bush. It's stuff like this.

The president wants this to be his Apollo program, no doubt. And I'm afraid that if it succeeds, it will be. And after a few trips NASA's funding will be cut, and there won't be any more missions for another few decades.

hothoward.jpg 349x720 pixels

Memo to the Dean campaign: play your cards right, and you've got the Abercrombie generation's votes, easy.

Machinery Found At Spirit Landing Site

AHA!!!!!

L.A. Avenue.com - Live Views of Los Angeles / Southern California

Is this webcam really a live cam? It seems to be (at the moment) live shots from someone driving around Los Angeles (and it updates pretty quickly, too!)

Some days you just get the most useless Scrabble™ hand...

Ida - Epitonic.com: Hi Quality Free and Legal MP3 Music

MRJEFF's song of the blog entry: Blizzard of '78, by Ida [download]

(thanks to Epitonic)

BUSH MATH--41, 43, 44

We at MRJEFF3000 were pointed toward this September 2003 US News webpage by an Atrios comment. Look halfway down for the money paragraph.

His dad, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, calls him "son." His friends call him "P." But President Bush, America's 43rd, and his dad, the 41st president, call George P. Bush something else: "44." Insiders say it's just for fun but also an acceptance that the most political of former President George H.W. Bush's grandkids is itching for a public career, including a distant shot at the White House.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Long story; short pier.: Stella.

Every so often I like to revisit the lies surrounding the case of Stella Liebeck, just to see how high I can make my blood pressure go. Long story: short pier has a pretty darn complete recap of the facts.

(We'll probably return to this subject in a few months.)

FARK.com: Comments Thingee (765221)

Quote of the Day (from a Fark thread):

2003-12-21 09:04:02 PM tinrobot

You'd think that at least ONE of these candidates would consider using Clinton's "centrist" tactics.

Yeah, like Bush has been a 'centrist' since he was selected.

Chimpy's driven his administration so far to the right, he's crossed the bike lane and is now killing pedestrians.

emphasis & color added, natch

Listen to this!

Here's a little rundown of the online presence of the stuff MRJEFF is listening to these days:

• Limbeck (listen to their current release, Hi, Everything's Great.)
  
• Loquat (one download at epitonic.com)
  
• Hank Dogs
  
• Azure Ray (also)
  
• Tord Gustavsen Trio
  
• Hot Club of Cowtown

"The late Strom Thurmond, who once tried to boycott a washing machine because it let in colored laundry, was revealed as a fraud this week by a child of his who would have, well, stood out in the Thurmond family portrait."

New York Post Online Edition: seven

Joy! Miramax Press will publish in 2005 Spy: The Funny Years! (I've already started saving my pennies.)

Your tax dollars at work:

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes. (Introduced in House)

HR 3687 IH

108th CONGRESS

1st Session

H. R. 3687

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES


December 8, 2003

Mr. OSE (for himself and Mr. SMITH of Texas) introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on the Judiciary

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A BILL

To amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.


Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, is amended--



(1) by inserting `(a)' before `Whoever'; and



(2) by adding at the end the following:


`(b) As used in this section, the term `profane', used with respect to language, includes the words `shit', `piss', `fuck', `cunt', `asshole', and the phrases `cock sucker', `mother fucker', and `ass hole', compound use (including hyphenated compounds) of such words and phrases with each other or with other words or phrases, and other grammatical forms of such words and phrases (including verb, adjective, gerund, participle, and infinitive forms).'.

(via Atrios)

Of course, as Adam Felber has pointed out, a sufficiently clever writer can work within the system.

Bob's Dinosaurs Attack! HomePage

Dinosaurs Attack!

Results...

This is what they say. It's almost true.
found via Sarah, of whom I learned via Matt.

You're Avante Garde Indie. You listen to abstract
music like free-jazz and Krautrock. You drink
too much coffee and you scare the fuck out of
the rest of us. We're afraid to call you
pretentious because we know that we all just
don't get it. There are few of you out there,
and most of you will probably die soon.


You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.
brought to you by Quizilla

Spirograph

Created by Anu
Garg.

From wordsmith.org, via linkfilter.

Shave the Moon!

At last it can be told: the true story of the Apollo missions.

Shave the Moon!

www.jlist.com

I finally ate the Skittles I bought at O'Hare on Monday.

Best 79¢ I ever spent.

Plastic: But We've Got A Great Personality

File this away for later (from a recent Plastic.com thread):

"Yeah, it's sad when you're not even cool on the internet."

Well, fuck me.

"I mean, when I voted for the war, I voted for what I thought was best for the country. Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, 'I'm against everything'? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did."

- Senator John Kerry, in this week's Rolling Stone.

Oh, here it is: the Terich brothers' website, treblezine.com.

News from the East!

News arrives from longtime friend and associate of the MRJEFF3000 organization Dan Renkin. We reproduce his correspondence here:

If your circle of friends & family includes younger children--
--or if you consider yourself to still BE a younger child!--

Come see Dan Renkin dance Drosselmeyer for New York Theatre Ballet!

THE NUTCRACKER at Florence Gould Hall, 55 East 59th Street
Performances at 11:00 am, 1:00 pm, 3:30 pm
Saturday, Dec. 13th & 20th
Sunday, Dec. 14th & 21st

Choreographer: Keith Michael
Music: Peter Tchaikovsky
Costumes: Sylvia Taalsohn Nolan
Sets: Gilllian Bradshaw-Smith

------------------------------------------------------------------------
New York Theatre Ballet's one-hour production of The Nutcracker is
designed especially for children and families. It is based on lithographs from
the English Toy Theatre or "Juvenile Drama" of the early 19th Century.

Hundreds of operas and plays were at that time produced in the form of
paper cut-out books, complete with sets, properties, characters, and costume
changes. Offered in either "penny plain" (black and white line drawings) or
"two-pence coloured" (elegant multi-colored lithographs), a child's toy
theatre helped many an afternoon in the nursery pass with industry and
imagination.

NYTB's Nutcracker premiered at the Riverside Dance Festival in New York
City in 1984 and has since been presented to hundreds of thousands of people
in the New York City region and across the United States.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dan Renkin's benevolent Drosselmeyer and Elena Zahlmann's Clara were
the standouts...the NYTB "Nutcracker" offers a warm and inviting community
feeling and generous spirit..."
--The Dance Insider

"A perfect welcome to the enchanted worlds of The Nutcracker and the
ballet..."
-- New York Newsday

"Why The Nutcracker? There's joy in the Nutcracker. Ask any of the
4,000 people who packed New York's Winter Garden, to watch a condensed
version performed by New York Theatre Ballet. In the first row a two-year-old
sat on her mother's lap, transfixed. She looked around only once, when the
snow scene began, in the most wonderful moment of the Nutcracker season."
-- Newsweek

" ...the production is charming. The children in the audience--and they
were packed to the rafters--adored the ballet."
-- Village Voice
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Information & Box Office:
212-355-6160

Ticketmaster: 212-307-4100
[From Ticketmaster, specify the one-hour
Nutcracker at Gould Hall of the French Institute]

--

Visit Dan Online!
http://www.danrenkin.com

I CAN STILL TASTE IT.

Here is the most important lesson I learned on my recent excursion to the Dutch-settled farmlands of western Michigan: If someone offers you an innocent-seeming little button of Dutch licorice, even if that someone is your own father, do not accept. And if you do take it, just to be polite, FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.

The Dutch, you see, do very strange things to licorice. They have one brand in particular, Double Zout (DZ). Which, of course, means "double salt".

Now, I knew that the Dutch made salty licorice. I have dim memories of elderly acquaintances with thick accents tricking me into eating some of the stuff. (They lied to me - they called it candy.) But that was well over twenty years ago. How bad could it really be, I thought? Besides, we were in Holland, at a frickin' wooden shoe factory. I was swept up in the moment. I was weak.

So I slipped this little black button into my mouth. Which, as far as I can tell from the taste, contained ALL THE SALT IN THE WORLD. I could feel my entire face puckering as it had never puckered before, into a tiny point where my mouth used to be. I tried to say "Wow, that's strong," but I think a muted wuh! was all that came out.

And it was a hard little bugger, too, like a really stiff eraser. Chewing it was out of the question. All I could do was move it around in my mouth, wincing every time it touched my tongue. (I didn't want to just leave it between cheek and gum, because I was afraid that if the DZ sat in any one place for very long it would start eating a hole in my flesh.) Eventually I found an opportune place to spit it out.

Bad-candy.com has written about Double Zout, but they seem to have gotten one fact wrong. The salt in DZ is not, in fact, table salt (sodium chloride). It is, if I am not mistaken, instead the rather nastier tasting aluminum chloride.

I can still taste it. I think I always will.

Dec.

Back from Thanksgiving in Western Michigan. Family's good, and all, but really - limits must be set.

CRUNK

If anyone can tell me the location of the Terich brothers' "crunk" new website I'd be most grateful.

Ransomnotification

I think my blog has been kidnapped.

Survey: employees overworked, stressed out, fed up - Nov. 11, 2003

Yikes! I knew it was bad, but not this bad. CNN reports that eight out of ten employees plan to look for another job once the economy picks up again.

Many employees are overworked, stressed out, fed up -- and eager to quit their jobs once the economy picks up. In fact, worker angst is so pronounced it has surprised even the most tuned-in human resource professionals. They say employee anger is now almost palpable.

Well, at least I'm in good company. (So to speak)

The People! United! etc.

No Ralphs, no Vons, no Pavilions. And no Borders, no Amazon.com.

Palaeos

Palaeos is an incredible palaeontology/evolution/geochronology/ecology website that you can get lost in for hours. This is the kind of thing that hypertext was made for, kids.

D&X procedure (a.k.a.Partial Birth Abortion) - All sides

Much talk lately about the horrors of the so-called "Partial Birth Abortion". But what exactly is it?

From www.religioustolerance.org, some information about what obstetricians and gynecologists call Dilation and Extraction.

I think that I shall never see...

Autumn color in the Sierra, courtesy of the Sacramento Bee.

Wingnut Debating School

The always informative Atrios brings us a collection of rhetorical tactics misused by right wingers in their arguments: the War on Metaphor, the War on Analogy, Pick the Definition, and the Obsession with Irrelevant Context.

Radio Darvish

Radio Darvish, an online radio station dedicated to Persian traditional music. (I prefer the instrumental works over the vocal pieces, but chacun à son goût, as the Persians say.)

Yahoo! News - Bicyclists Accuse DJs of Inciting Attacks

Every so often we like to do another "Clear Channel Sucks" post, and, obligingly, Clear Channel helps us out by doing something particularly idiotic. Clear Channel DJs in Cleveland, Houston and Raleigh (if that's where they really were) encouraged drivers to intimidate, and even assualt bicyclists. The three stations have apologized, and Clear Channel has donated $10,000 and air time to promote bicycle safely.