The Austin Chronicle Politics: Naked City

Meanwhile, just outside Texas Governor Rick Perry's house... (via Atrios)

Pretty cool, eh?

You're Newfoundland. You're not a complex person,
but it's not because you're not intelligent;
you just perfer the simpler things in life. You
can work hard and bear harder misfortunes than
most. It's too bad people underestimate you
because you're one tough S.O.B. when need be.


What Canadian Province Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Those Wacky Canadians, part XXXVI...

Catch!

Newsday.com - It Could Be a Long, Quirky Ballot

I can't decide if this is really, really cool, or if we in California are soooo fucking fucked.

Our good friends at Rashomon reference a recent Gallup poll that suggests a popular backlash against gay rights. I must say that I don't find that poll particularly credible in the long run -- at the very least, the acceptance situation has never been better for homosexuals in North America, and I suspect, even with temporary regional setbacks, things will only get better.

Seven of the nine Democratic presidential candidates recently spoke in a Human Rights Campaign forum. Three said they support same-sex marriage. (All nine answered a questionnaire [.pdf] from the HRC.) The right to marry (or at the very least its legal equivalent) is a very real possibility, within the very near future.

I notice two things from the poll: One - "[T]he level of support for legal homosexual relations has dropped 10-12 points in a period of just two months." This indicates to me that these are the people whose support was weak at best, and who probably shouldn't have been counted upon too strongly in earlier polls. Two - "The same basic patterns exist in both samples: (1) young Americans are more tolerant than older Americans..." I, for one, believe that children are our future. Today's youth has grown up with the idea (by and large) that you don't discriminate against gays, and they're going to stick to that notion.

David Brooks, every liberals' favorite conservative pundit, recently had this to say, on PBS's Newshour:

By almost two to one, people under 30 approve of it and say homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle. I see it in my own conservative insular world like many conservatives and people in the Bush White House, when I wake up in the morning, I log on to Andrew Sullivan.Com, a gay conservative web logger writing from Provincetown. All these Republicans, their first human contact in the morning is with a gay Catholic. That's just typical of the way the whole issue is changing. So there is another saying that intellectual history moves forward in a hearse. And I think there will be a gradual move as this young generation goes through the age groups of a greater and greater acceptance of gay marriage.

Now, I'm not fooling myself -- things ain't perfect. But we've come a hell of a long way. And the complaints of a few medievalist zealots isn't going to turn the momentum around.

America is ready.

TERROR AT THE BEACH

Ah, summer -- there's no better time to, ah, hang out at the beach.

Don't be hatin', y'all.

Place yer bets!

Almost alone among generally lefty media outlets, TAPPED isn't coming out with a knee-jerk anti attitude toward DARPA's now-cancelled FutureMAP program. As TAPPED points out, "Though the terrorism futures market sounds grotesque -- and the notion of betting for or against future terrorist attacks is undeniably macabre in conception -- it's simply a tool." (At Eschaton, too.)

The question we need to be asking is not "Is this unseemly?" but rather, "Does it work?"

UPDATE: Here's how newsfutures.com is looking at this story. (They're a site that does much the same thing, only without getting yelled at by the Senate.)

Friendster - Glenda

Glenda is the first person I've come across who I'm linked to though two completely different pathways (Kelli -> Daniel -> Kimberly ->Glenda and Tom -> Tulip/Joan -> Beer -> Glenda) And, as she lives in Brooklyn, I think that makes her the anti-MRJEFF.

We must never meet.

Cha-ching!

From: THE DESK OF MRS. COMFORT OKOCHA
The Board of Eco International
Bank with head office in Lagos,
Nigeria.
Date: 26th/July/2003

President Ceo,

Permit me to introduce myself. I am Mrs.Comfort Okocha, a member
of The Board of Eco International Bank with head office in
Lagos, Nigeria.
I am the executive director in charge of Accounts and
Managements Department of the bank.

The Board of directors have mandated me to contact the next of
kin to our late client Mr. Ramash Hoh, may his soul rest in
peace. Mr. Hoh died in a ghastly auto accident on his way from
vacation along with members of his family, on the 21st of April
last 2002 year, and all efforts to contact his immediate family
members have been in vain,Mr. Hoh is a Malaysian citizen and the
Managing Director of Deep Blue Sea Services, his company was
involved in Oil exploration and drilling in Nigeria.

The late Mr. Hoh had both current and saving accounts with us,
estimated at, US $41,500,000 ($41.5Million) and I happen to be
his account manager when we received the unfortunate information
about his death and of his family members, we contacted his
country embassy to assist us to locate members of his family
back home in Malaysia, so that they can come forward to claim
his funds, but unfortunately after three months, the embassy
informed us that all efforts to trace his immediate family was
unsuccessful.

It was at this point that we decided to notify the Nigerian
authorities in line with laid down regulations. The authorities
then instructed our bank to place the fund in a special account
until the relatives of Mr. Hoh are found, which we did, but the
events of the last two weeks made the Board of our bank to hold
an emergency meeting to decide on what step to take.

The Federal Government of Nigeria wrote to us giving us till the
end of August this year 2003 to locate the relatives of the late
Mr. Hoh and release the funds to them or the money will be used
to assist the rebel forces in both Ivory Coast and Sierra Leone.

Our bank was not happy about this development because we felt
the money should be used to support charity organizations and
improve the poor health care system among other decaying social
infrastructures here. I then decided to act very fast to
intercept the government from their inhumane intentions. It was
at this point that I was mandated to contact you with the hope
that you will understand the urgency of this situation and
assist us prevent the government from achieving their selfish
intentions.

I have made arrangements that your acceptance to cooperate with
us, I shall present you as the next of kin to the late Mr. Hoh.
So that the money will be released to you. Your nationality does
not matter as we have arranged provisions,as you could be an
uncle from his mothers side which equally makes you the next of
kin.I shall provide you with the vital informations about the
late Mr. Hoh as contained in our file. I have decided that 20%
of the money will go to Charity homes while the rest will be
shared between you and us.Some of the benefiting charity homes
will be nominated by you in your country while I shall nominate
the rest from my country.

Also my share will be invested for me for a period of two years
by you in any profit making venture you may decide and you will
be absolutely free to use your share in whatever you decide.

Sir, should you be interested to assist in this matter kindly
send to me your private Telephone and fax numbers for safe
communications. I however, want to assure you that your
in your ability to effectively handle this matter successfully.
Do not hesitate to contact me should you need additional
information or any clarifications so that we do not waste
anytime.

I thank you very much while I look forward to your anticipated
prompt response.

Best regards.
Mrs.Comfort Okocha

A couple of new twists on this old favorite. It's good to see the scammers keeping up with current events.

MRJEFF3000, your one-stop gateway for all things MRJEFF, has finally given in to the hype and has dispatched an agent to investigate the behemoth of hipness known as Friendster. Which almost certainly means that it is no longer hip in the least.

Elderly Man Crashes Into Farmer's Market (washingtonpost.com)

I'm surprised it took this long: a 79-year-old man has crashed his car into a northern Florida farmers' market.

And thus is born the hot new trend of the summer.

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!"
"So there you are!"
Get your war on!

CNN.com - Flip-flops gaining office popularity - Jul. 22, 2003

So much the better for MRJEFF3000. Those almost-bare feet, those daintily-painted toenails...

Anti-gay motive believed in Fairfax man's death
The Associated Press
Last Updated 6:20 p.m. PDT Thursday, July 17, 2003
QUINCY, Calif. (AP) - A Fairfax man beaten to death here last weekend may have been killed because his alleged assailants thought he was gay, authorities told a Marin County newspaper.

During a two-day court hearing in this small Northern California town, two Plumas County men were charged with the beating and strangulation death of Marc Oldham. The Marin County resident was killed Sunday while vacationing at Bucks Lake, about 150 miles north of Sacramento.

Kevin Glen Rikard, 21, of Quincy pleaded innocent Thursday to the charges. Rikard and Johnathan Grant Appley, 21, also of Quincy, are accused of clubbing Oldham with a tree limb and strangling him because they allegedly thought he was gay. Appley didn't enter a plea.

A third defendant, 21-year-old Jesse William Rath of Cromberg, pleaded innocent to an accessory to murder charge.

While Oldham's family and friends say he was heterosexual, Plumas County Deputy District Attorney David Hollister said prosecutors have reason to believe the trio thought Oldham, 37, was gay, the Marin Independent Journal reported Thursday. Hollister wouldn't provide evidence to support that claim.

Appley and Rickard are also accused of robbery, a special circumstance charge that could carry the death penalty if tied to a murder conviction. Rath faces up to three years in prison if convicted.

It's unclear if Oldham knew his assailants before he was killed, but witnesses told authorities the group was seen together at a local bar that night, Hollister said.

Appley and Rikard were being held Thursday without bail in the Plumas County jail. Rath's bail was set at $50,000. All three men are set to appear back in court Aug. 13, when Appley is expected to enter a plea.

You are in a twisty maze of passages, all alike.

>You are in a debris room filled with stuff washed in from the surface. A low wide passage
>with cobbles becomes plugged with mud and debris here, but an awkward canyon leads upward and west.
>
>A note on the wall says, "Magic word XYZZY."

Another Canadian who hates us.

Ali Ismail Abbas, the 12-year-old Iraqi whose arms were blown off and whose family was killed in the Coalition bombing of Baghdad, is on his way to Canada, possibly to be adopted by Falath Hafuth, an Ontario doctor.

On finally watching Minority Report:

Ya know what? Spielberg, and Cruise, and god knows how many other people involved with the making of this film, are just waaaaay too humanistic (and really, this applies to most Hollywood actors, writers and directors) to make a good, believable science fiction movie. The whole thing feels as though they came up with the plot twists and the ending first, and then with the rest of the story, and only then did they add just enough of a veneer of science and technology to make the effects look really cool...I mean -- cops with jetpacks? What's up with that???

Okay, I understand that nearly all directors, and nearly all writers, and every single actor has a worldview that is basically hostile to scientific thinking. Or, I suppose, legalistic thinking. I mean, this movie completely ignores the idea that there are lawyers in America, and millions of Americans who really do worry about innocent until proven guilty. Or all those personally targeted billboards -- whatever happened to opt out? Or, why hasn't the Defense Department taken control of the precogs? One might suggest that they'd be better put to use guarding the entire country against attack, than just guarding DC against random murders. (And, if after six murder-free years, anyone in DC still considered killing as a possible course of action...)

Or (to be heretical) one might suggest that it is worth it to commit one single murder in order to prevent hundreds.

CNN.com - Tenet admits error in approving Bush speech - Jul. 12, 2003

Harry Truman: "The buck stops here."
George W. Bush: "Hey, don't blame me, man..."

CIA Director George Tenet has accepted the blame for that Iraq-buying-uranium-from-Niger line in Bush's State of the Union speech. So: Tenet takes the blame because he's the boss...but what abouthis boss?

Of course, the full analysis can be found at TPM.

c o r k d o l l . c o m

Blast from the past! Corkdoll: Philosopher

Mp3 Madness

I'm downloading mp3s like crazy tonight -- and it's all legal, thanks to epitonic.com. It's madness!

Who the FUCK is Mister Jeff?

I don't find this amusing in the least.

In Which Elyse Calls Her Lawyer And Asks, "How Much Is A Restraining Order Again?"

And so we kick off Stalkwatch 2003 with an interview (from Steppin' Out magazine ("NY & NJ's #1 Entertainment Magazine!") with our current obsession, Elyse Sewell. Choice excerpts:

Does the winner automatically reach supermodel status?

I think that to attain true "supermodel" status, a girl must be more recognizable to the public than the vice president of the United States. Dick Cheney's last fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine occurred over two years ago, and his Revlon contract was terminated in the mid-'80s, so I think that the winner will fit the "supermodel" definition immediately.

...

When did you first start to realize you had what it takes to model?

At the age of 16, I was perusing the silk slipper selection in the open-air markets of Bangkok when an orange was thrown from a second-story window and struck me on the back of the head. As I tenderly caressed the contusion, it began to throb rhythmically. I whipped out my Morse Code decoder ring and deciphered this message: "Elyse, you have what it takes to model." I raced up a narrow staircase into the room from whence the orange had flown, but found only the remains of a Dionysian feast and six jet-black hairs plucked from the bonny head of the princess. As our ship was to leave port in five minutes, I was forced to abandon my sleuthing and race up the gangplank, for otherwise how could I gain passage back to Cape Hatteras? The source of the message remains a mystery to this day.

So, obviously, you can see why I blog so.

UPN

Okay, I'll admit it -- I watched most of last night's episodes of America's Next Top Model (the recap and the finale). Why? Because earlier that day I saw a clip of final candidate Elyse in the confessional bitch-booth ripping into the other next-top-model wannabes and I fell in love.

And then I watched and she turned out to be an out-of-the-closet atheist.

And then -- I shit you not -- she correctly used the word "hypothesis" where an ordinary moron would've said "theory".

It could happen, right?



Do I have time to add this excerpt?

When discussing who should win AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL, Adrianne remarked, "I think I deserve it because I came a really long way since I came here. I just try to do my best every time we do anything." Shannon explained, "When you give something like your best, you just give your all, you feel like you should be rewarded." Elyse differed completely in her assessment of the competition, saying, "I don't think that it's acceptable to say that anyone deserves to win this competition. It's really not a basic human right to get a modeling contract."

I think I need to do laundry tonight.

Note to MRJEFF3000 aficionados: The MRJEFF3000 Weblog Experience^TM is not just a link-oriented blog. From time to time we will branch out into the microjournal category as well, in order to bring you, the MRJEFF3000 customer, the very finest in Internet Lifestyle Enhancement^TM. We at MRJEFF3000 realize that you have your choice of literally hundreds of websites when you "surf" the Internet -- thank you so very much for inviting MRJEFF3000 into your home or workplace.

One of the MRJEFF3000 staffers was googling around today, and he came across an entertaining new blog from a fresh new voice. This young lady's writing style, it turns out, is quite clever, and we predict big things in her future. (***1/2!)

Of course, if fame and fortune pass her by, she can always continue at her data entry job, even if everyone there is "comatose or mentally retarded."

Although we at MRJEFF3000 have long been aware of the NPR news quiz show Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, we have only just recently been made aware of Adam Felber's Fanatical Apathy. A sample:

Review of Less-Publicized Rulings from the Supreme Court’s 2002-2003 Term

Baird vs. Texas – Ruling overturned the conviction of a Laredo man in a robbery wherein the prosecution’s case consisted solely of the facts that "he was black, and he was nearby."
Vote: 8-1
From the dissenting opinion (Clarence Thomas): "The man clearly looked guilty. This ruling opens the door for more and more "uppity" behavior from negroes everywhere. As Frederick Douglas might have written, black people don’t need your charity, they need a little discipline."

Kradick vs. Texas: Ruling overturned a murder conviction against a Tomball man who opted not to sleep with his girlfriend, thus failing to impregnate her.
Vote: 6-3
From the dissenting opinion (William Rehnquist): "Have we come to place so little value on human life that we can deafen ourselves to the cries of an infant whose right to be conceived was so grossly violated? Shame, shame…"

Turling vs. Black People: Ruling found a new Texas law making black people illegal to be unconstitutional.
Vote: 8-1
From the dissenting opinion (Thomas): "Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that it’s "okay" to be black. This is affirmative action at its most dangerous. Honestly, I don’t know what the other guys were thinking on this one."

What're you waiting for? Go on, check it out.

Bring It On!

URGENT CORRECTION ALERT!
We at MRJEFF3000 are very sorry to report that there seems to be no Discovery Channel documentary titled Seven Minutes to Impact. (We were relying upon Mr. Renkin's curriculum vitae in this matter.) There does seem to be a Three Minutes to Impact, which may be at best tangentially related. If this is the sort of reliability we can expect from "Dan Renkin" -- if such a person truly does exist -- then MRJEFF3000 cannot in good conscience recommend his little Civil War puppet show.

Good day to you, sir.

I said, Good day!

Some people at MRJEFF3000 have pointed out that Mr. Renkin's printable resume does indeed have the correct title. Those people have been fired.

As usually brain-damaging as the FARK forums usually are, sometimes they will take an irritating grain of sand and create a beautiful pearl. Like when "RagingLeonard" compared Anne Coulter to Yeenoghu, Demon Prince of Gnolls.

Longtime friend of the MRJEFF3000 organization Dan Renkin (dot com!) writes, with information:

Last Weekend!

- Friday, July 4th at 7:00 pm in Washington Square Park (by the dog-run)
- Saturday, July 5th at 5:00 pm in Central Park, at the Lawn Below the Dairy
(around 65th Street).

After two weekends of torrential downpours and iffy-looking cloud cover, we
seem to be in the clear--this past weekend saw wonderful audiences and
fine-tuning of the piece:

A modern history play: The American Revolution! In verse, mingling low
comedy and high brows, lots of props and far too many wool jackets!

More information available at Inverse Theater

Note: "Last Weekend!" does not refer to the Saturday and Sunday that just passed. Rather, it tells us that this upcoming weekend will be the final -- last, if you will -- opportunity to view Mr. Renkin treading the proverbial boards in this particular theatrical work. We at MRJEFF3000 are confident that Mr. Renkin brings the same joie de vivre to, well, whatever the hell it is that he's doing in this play that he did to his groundbreaking work as "Doomed Man with Coffee" in the Discovery Channel's Seven Minutes to Impact. ****1/2

I caught the League of Conservation Voters' debate with the Democratic candidates this afternoon. (On channel 7 -- broadcast TV, no less!) I think the Dems may actually have learned something from the disciplined lockstep of the Republicans -- the candidates have been refraining from attacking each other, and focusing on attacking Bush. I know, it's really early still, and once the primaries get close the infighting will probably begin, but things are looking a little hopeful for once.

On the California front, well, I just don't know. Car alarm kingpin/plutocrat/recall bankroller Darrell Issa is facing questions about his possible involvement in three auto thefts, in 1971, 1972, and 1980. And Ah-nold Schwarzenegger is starting to get coverage from real reporters, who might just ask some real questions along the way. Will it be enough? I wish I could believe in the inherent intelligence of the voting public, but I have seen too many elections to fall for that one again. (sigh.)

The blogosphere is alive with posting upon posting about the recent Supreme Court decision in Lawrence v. Texas, including some discussion of Justice Scalia's typically bitter and sarcastic dissent. But not enough has been made, in the humble opinion of the MRJEFF3000 organization, of this passage from Scalia's, Rehnquist's and Thomas's dissent:

State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers' validation of laws based on moral choices.

That's right -- these justices, the ones George W. Bush wants more of, are worried that the Lawrence v. Texas decision strikes down state laws against masturbation.

And, from the Woodland Daily Democrat:

Donald Ray Hefner, born April 15, 1919, passed away unexpectedly on June 24, 2003.

He was a fourth generation Californian in a family of agriculturalists and farmers. Phillip Hefner, the patriarch and Donald's great grandfather, arrived in California in 1849 and was engaged in the hay and grain business, along with farming instead of gold mining. By 1853, Phillip owned 1,800 acres of river bottom and upland property between Oroville and Marysville, on the East Side of the Feather River. Phillip was a very successful and influential orchard farmer and livestock rancher. His oldest son Frank married Fannie Mae Heckart, whose family arrived in California in 1865 after the Civil War and settled on cattle ranches half a mile east of today's Butte College. Donald Ray Hefner was born in Oroville, Butte County. He attended elementary and secondary schools in Oroville and later graduated from the University of California, Davis, with a bachelor of science degree in agriculture. Donald was an accomplished catcher on the Aggie's baseball team. Donald was twice elected captain and he earned three letters. Donald went on to be the starter for the Santa Ana Air Base, Mississippi Keesler Field, and Newfoundland Gander Air Base baseball teams. Donald enlisted in the United States Air Force in August 1941 and was honorably discharged in September 1945. In the course of his service he became a "90-Day Wonder" and ended up a first lieutenant. He went to work for Spreckels Sugar Company after the war ended and remained in their Agriculture Department for over 30 years until his retirement. Mr. Hefner's employment in the Spreckels Sugar Company's Agriculture Department was a happy time, with Hefner becoming the district manager for the last 13 years of his employment. Donald enjoyed his fellow co-workers and the civic duties that he was involved with while working for the sugar company. He became the President of the Woodland Chamber of Commerce, president of the Yolo County YMCA, and president of the Girl Scout Council. Hefner was very active in the interests of the Woodland Medical Clinic and was director of the Woodland Hospital Foundation for six years. He was a fundraiser for the Woodland Hospital Foundation and lured Spreckels Sugar Company into a $25,000 donation and C. Nelson Hackett into the gift of a 40-acre parcel worth $100,000, plus others. In 1946, when Hefner moved to Woodland the population was approximately 7,000 and ripe for the talents of "Donald R.," as he later became known. He was soon chairman of the Agriculture Committee, and his fun began. Along with Lou Meikle and Willie Marks, the three promoted the "Gracias Bracero Day." Senator Kuchel was in attendance of this special celebration. Next came the bus rides within the community to acquaint the local merchants of their treasures within their county. The merchants were treated to a royal lunch by Eyvind Faye who introduced them to a product that was not a local staple - huge French prunes soaked and injected with brandy. Everyone but the bus driver was happy! The next great-established event was the annual award for the "Outstanding Agriculture Business Person of the Year." Mr. Hefner felt that he had the unique knowledge of knowing people who worked for the community, but were not in the agriculture business just for the money - they were interested in the youth and the community too. Mr. Jim Leathers was the first choice for the Outstanding Agriculture Business Person of the Year. Mr. Hefner was the fourth person who received this award and blamed Jim Cranston for his selection. Donald R. always said that if he were a cow, he would no doubt have C. of C. on one hip and S.S.C. on the other. Buster Giovanetti had a great idea that he sold to Hefner and that was the Babe Ruth Baseball League. It was a real hit, with the assistance of Bill Griffith, Jim Leathers and everyone else in the community. In 1964 Woodland hosted the World Series. Fritz Erdman bailed the league out, thanks to Jim Leathers. Another new development was the Nelson's Grove campground and picnic area. Nelson's Grove sat in limbo until Don Hays and Hefner went to work on this project and turned this beautiful picnic area over to the YMCA. Dr. Nichols and Bill Griffith earlier worked on this project with the YMCA. President Nixon needed help in his re-election and sent his secretary of Agriculture, Earl Butz; to speak at a luncheon attended by 600 community members at the Yolo County Fairgrounds. There was a television interview with speeches that were handled very professionally by Regnar Paulsen. Mr. Butz was elated by the event and presented Donald R. with a coveted memento, a set of rhinestone "RN" cuff links, for his dedicated efforts as chairman of the event. One important event that was not agriculturally oriented was the challenge of saving the Second Baptist Church from oblivion. The church was torched and the insurance money was held-up for sometime. Hefner and 11 other past Chamber of Commerce presidents took over the task of finances, site clearance, and the rebuilding of the church. The Rev. Lindsey and Harry Ackley were the nominal leaders of this project. The church was rebuilt and at the dedication Donald R. was asked to pass the collection plate, when he was also honored as the real leader of the pack. He did so in honor of Glen Gravink, and the Foley Foundation who donated the money for the church pews. After complete retirement, Mr. Hefner ran a dozen or so small localized funding drives in his area for the American Heart Association, the American Cancer Society, the Mothers March of Dimes, and others. Donald R. retired with the happy attitude of "done this, done that, I am going fishing." Hefner inherited an 86-acre parcel near Fairbanks, Alaska, from an uncle who was in the 1897 gold rush. This land parcel, plus a piece in Kodiak, made for enjoyable trips to Alaska with many a salmon and halibut on the fishing line. Mr. Hefner and his wife Lucille also spent many wonderful years fishing, hunting, reading and relaxing at their cabin at Bucks Lake. However, the last few years contained some bitter pills in the form of declining eyesight and heart disease that Donald R. bore with dignity and tolerance. No fishing, no mountain cabin, no hunting. "Papa Don" was a devoted husband, father, grandfather and friend who will be greatly missed by all. Mr. Hefner was preceded in death by his mother and father of Oroville, his first wife Ellora Doney, his beloved son Lynn Allen, son-in-law Paul Moore III, along with his brother Harold Hefner of Sacramento. He is survived by his wife Lucille, their children and their families: Donna DeVries and her husband Joe of Davis, and their children Jeff and Doney; Deborah Moore of Danville and her children, Ellora Cooper and husband Gary, Lisa Sanguinet and husband Jeff, and Paul IV; Scott Hefner and wife Diane of Dixon, and their children, Miles and Kevin; stepsons, Keith Mannee, Kent Mannee and wife Dena of Woodland, and their children Kristina, Ryan and Tamara Cartagena and husband Robert; daughter-in-law, Susan Hefner and her daughter Heidi Lynn of Woodland; and three adorable great grandchildren and numerous special friends. As requested by Donald R. there will be no memorial services, his family will celebrate his life at a private family gathering. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that those who wish to make memorial donations please send them to the Woodland Memorial Hospital Foundation, 1207 Fairchild Court, Woodland

I think this one cost $500 (for 15 or so column inches, I'm not surprised.)

Well. The old poop went and did it:

Donald Ray Hefner, a longtime Woodland resident and community booster, died unexpectedly on June 24, 2003. He was 84.

He was born on April 15, 1919, in Oroville, into a family of agriculturists with California roots dating to the 1850s. He attended schools in Oroville and later earned his bachelor's degree from UC Davis, where he was a catcher and captain on the baseball team.

Hefner continued playing baseball for military teams after enlisting in the U.S. Air Force in August 1941. He rose to the rank of first lieutenant. He went to work for Spreckels Sugar Company after World War II, remaining in its agriculture department for more than 30 years, the last 12 as district manager.

Hefner, who moved to Woodland in 1946, served as president of the Woodland Chamber of Commerce, the Yolo County YMCA and the local Girl Scout Council. He helped establish the Outstanding Agriculture Business Person of the Year award -- an award he later received himself.

He also played a key roll in the growth of the local Babe Ruth Baseball League, which brought its world series to Woodland in 1964, in the creation of the Nelsons Grove campground and picnic area, and, with other past Chamber presidents, led the rebuilding of the Second Baptist Church after it was destroyed by fire.

After retiring, Hefner also ran several local fund drives for the American Heart Association, the American Cancer Society, the Mothers March of Dimes and others.

He enjoyed fishing for salmon and halibut and hunting on land in Alaska passed down in his family since the 1897 gold rush. When poor eyesight and heart disease slowed his Alaska hobbies, he continued to maintain his flower garden.

" Papa Don" will be remembered as a devoted husband, father, grandfather and friend, his family said.

He was preceded in death by his first wife Ellora Doney, son Lynn Allen, son-in-law Paul Moore III and brother Harold Hefner.

He is survived by his wife Lucille and their children and their families: daughter Donna DeVries, her husband Joe and their children Jeff and Doney; daughter Deborah Moore and her children: Ellora Cooper and her husband Gary, Lisa Sanguinet and her husband Jeff, and Paul IV; son Scott Hefner, his wife Diane and their children: Miles and Kevin; stepson Keith Mannee; stepson Kent Mannee, his wife Dena and their children: Kristina, Ryan and Tamara Cartagena and her husband Robert; daughter-in-law Susan Hefner and her daughter Heidi Lynn; three great grandchildren; and numerous special friends.

As requested by the deceased, no memorial service will be held. His family will celebrate his life at a private gathering.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks donations be made to the Woodland Memorial Hospital Foundation, 1207 Fairchild Court, Woodland, CA.

Of course, when they say "By Enterprise staff" what they really mean is "obituary written by the deceased, and edited somewhat by Enterprise staff." Or something like it. No link yet at the Democrat. Maybe tomorrow.

A lovely SNL parody of Bill "No-Spin" O'Reilly can be found here, until such time as NBC shuts 'em down.

Uzbekistan Watch, Part II...
Ruslan Sharipov, an Uzbek journalist and leader of a human rights group has been arrested and charged with homosexuality and what seems to be soliciting minor males for sex for money. Sharipov acknowledges his homosexuality, but denies the other accusations, calling his arrest a "political order".

The futuristic vehicle known as the Segway is reputed to be incredibly stable. Despite its two-wheeled configuration, its sophisticated gyroscopes and computers make it practically foolproof!

Practically foolproof.

What are country radio media consultants telling stations about the Dixie Chicks these days?

We've been very carefully tracking a massive quantity of local research on Chicks music over the last six weeks in client callout, gold testing and internet research and can assure you that heavy users of country radio have not changed at all in their positive acceptance of a large volume of Dixie Chick music.  There are at least seven Chicks songs which when tested in the last few weeks were called "a favorite" by at least one third of all respondents.
...
Pragmatically speaking, failing to play the most popular songs of your target listeners for political reasons creates a major vulnerability, which can be used against you by a competitor.

(From McVay Media.)

Some kind souls are hosting an mp3 of the recent Franken/O'Reilly unpleasantness. (Warning: it's a 53.5 MB download!) You don't get to see O'Reilly's angry scowl, or his Miami Vice-inspired jacket and t-shirt combo, but then, this is a cruel world.

Bush lied.
People died.

Daily Kos pretty much sums it up.

If you didn't get a chance to see Al Franken and Bill O'Reilly going at it during a BookExpo America panel on C-SPAN2's Book TV, whoooooeee, baby! you missed a hell of a show. (We don't seem to get C-SPAN2 here in Culver City, but they stream their programming (RealPlayer), (Windows Media), so I caught the rerun online.)

It is really astoundingly easy to push Mr. O'Reilly's buttons.

(Oh, yeah -- Molly Ivins was there, too, playing the voice of reason.)

Well, duh.

OUTRAGEOUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"For bureaucratic reasons, we settled on one issue, weapons of mass
destruction, because it was the one reason everyone could agree on."
- Paul Wolfowitz, Deputy Secretary of Defense

That seems to be the quote of the week, and it keeps coming back to haunt me -- I emailed Mr. Langdon and he over-attributed me, as though I had posted on my own raggedy-ass "blog" (as the kids say). I mean, all I did was send him a couple of links, from Eschaton and Plastic (an older QuickLink) Honest, that's all!

The first casualty of the 2004 race -- John Cusack.

Uzbekistan seems to have started on the pathway to a US invasion. (There's a pretty standard timeline: first, the US-supported regime's repression and torture, then the revolution, then the Islamic republic, then the trumped-up charges of imminent danger to the US, and then around about 2018 we can go in and kick ass...)

You are "Complicated"


What Avril Song are you
brought to you by Quizilla

The Japanese never disappoint.

My first sighting of the "Wha' hoppen?" meme. Damn you, Mike LaFontaine!

Here's a little controversy for you, Mr & Mrs America -- Ari Fleischer is a poopyhead, and I'm glad he's retiring. Hah!

Thank god for the Nuge -- still fightin' the good fight against "liberal hippies in the media" (oh, yeah, and Japs and niggers, too.)

Rockstar Games has Grand Theft Auto (the original) available for free download, for all you avid auto, uh, thefters.

Rock-Paper-Scissors-Spock-Lizard Scissors cuts Paper. Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors. Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes Rock. Rock crushes Scissors.

Teen Lingo, straight from "The Source".

Fo' shizzle.

Chris Matthews is an idiot.

The Mighty Wurlitzer is cranking itself up, and the So-Called Liberal Media is uniting to suppress the furor over Bush's Top Gun lite visit to the USS Abraham Lincoln. Of course low-rated basic cable commentator and former Republican congressman Scarborough is spewing the party line over this, but even alleged news network CNN is digging up anyone and everyone who is willing to give the impression that this outrage is merely a case of sour grapes for the Democrats. (Scarborough, predictably, smeared Senator Robert Byrd as "former KKK member", although he didn't, as far as I was willing to keep watching, refer to Bush as "former alcoholic and deserter". Go figure.)

The American Prospect's TAPPED has a fine, although almost certainly doomed look behind the curtain at Mr. Bush's recent visit to the USS Abraham Lincoln. Although it had already been out for ten months, the longest ever for a nuclear-powered carrier, "[t]he ship was slowed so Bush could spend the night on board before it docked on Friday, officials said."

And Clinton got a shitstorm for a fucking haircut.

Screw this taco stand -- I'm looking at the prospect of making a lot of money real soon:

Subject: TOP OF THE DAY
Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2003 17:35:54 -0400 (EDT)

ATTN:THE PRESIDENT/C.E.O.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am DR. Yetunde Bassey. Bank Manager of Diamond Bank of Nigeria, Lagos Branch. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

On June 6, 1999, a FOREIGN Oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Barry Kelly made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$25,000,000.00 (Twenty- five Million Dollars) in my branch.

Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Barry Kelly died from an automobile accident.

On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Barry Kelly did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$25,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.

According to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if
nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as an Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Barry Kelly so that the fruits of this old man’s labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.

This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits, which will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the service of an Attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world, which you will provide, will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 65% for me and 30% for you.5% Will be for settling expences on my part and yours,also for tax when the funds arrive yourcountry.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction.
Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply. Via the following email addresses: bayet@hknetmail.com, bayet1@hknetmail.com, bayett1@mail.com.

Thanks and regards.
DR. YETUNDE BASSEY.

Somebody appreciates the value of the MRJEFF3000 brand...

Reviewer/blogstar/payroll expert Matt Langdon takes a detour into Joe Bob Briggs country with his latest DVD review, for the box set French Erotic Collection. See? I told you he wasn't just a film snob!

I'm surprised it's taken him this long to stake out an online presence: Rough Point -- Geraldo Speaks Up.

ABCNEWS.com's Notepad is an oddly compelling assortment of 200-words-or-less statements from each of the Democratic candidates' campaigns ("When there is a Bush campaign, we will welcome their Notepad contributions. Candidates of other parties will also be considered.")

Just in case you were wondering if this country had gone completely nuts or not, here you go: two American Legion posts and two other veterans groups in Pleasanton, CA, recently sponsored classes in dowsing as a way of looking for domestic terrorists. Well, terrorists are made mostly of water...

As a pretty-well satisfied XM customer, the only thing I'm waiting for is a Walkman-style portable version. Well, wait no longer.

(sigh)...maybe you should wait a little longer.

I feel an obligation to post at least once a week, so here's something (and some links): Sunday I went to the LA Times Festival of Books, on the UCLA campus. I saw George Plimpton at the Paris Review booth, and somebody who looked like MTV-and-Premiere-Magazine-somebody Chris Connelly walking around.

As usual, the Autry Museum's booth was one of the best (I picked up the hardcover companion book to LACMA's "Made in California" exhibition of a couple years back for twelve bucks).

You can't always depend on the kindness of strangers. (Sorry, Blanche. Not in America.)

The Israeli Supreme Court has, despicably, denied women the right to pray out loud at the Western Wall, citing the danger that women's voices could provoke ultra-Orthodox men to riot. (Don't forget, of course, the prayer, Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, shelo asani ishah; "Blessed are You, O Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who did not make me a woman.")

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- religious law, be it sharia, or halakha, or whatever else, is bullshit inherently incompatible with pluralistic societies. (Via Alas, a blog)

It is the easiest thing in the world to do a blog entry about someone saying how great The Daily Show is. I like to do things that are easy. So here.

"The Care Bears are out of hibernation… and sizzling!" American Greetings ("Greeting the Future!") has jumped on the 80's-retro bandwagon. Mike Brown, Vice President of Licensing for American Greetings, obviously has the Care Bear ethos at the core of his being: "The Care Bears helped revolutionize the licensing industry in the '80s....Earlier this year, we commissioned a brand recognition study, and we were astounded to learn that the Care Bears have an 88 percent recognition level among women ages 18 to 49." (Yeah -- Marketing Asshole Bear was always my favorite too, Mike.)

He is a citizen temporarily serving us, living in our house, drawing our pay, spending our money and acting in our name. We have the right and, yes, the duty, to expect him to perform at a high standard. If we don’t do this, we’re performing below the standard that should be expected of us.

NPR's Bob Edwards, on the president (among other things), in the Louisville Courier-Journal

It would seem that what some ladies really find sexy is a lying sack of shit suave, well-dressed, charismatic gentleman.

I urge all Americans, and members of both parties, to join me in condemning Sen. Santorum’s remarks. They are unacceptable, and silence is an unacceptable response. By standing up against such divisive rhetoric—whether one is gay, lesbian, or straight—we can begin to achieve the American ideal of equal rights for all people.

Howard Dean rocks.

GIs get into the spirit of things, try to steal $1 million of the $700M cash recently found in Baghdad.

Too bad they didn't get away with it -- I loved Kelly's Heroes.

Two-parent families, says Santorum, are good. Requiring people to work is good. So is banning late-term abortions and giving religion a greater role in government. Traditional welfare, on the other hand, hurts the family. Homosexuality, feminism, liberalism all undermine the family. Even parts of the Constitution can harm the family.

"Won't somebody think of the children???" Lucky us -- Rick Santorum will.

Why The Anti-War Movement Was Right (Hooray for Ariana Huffington!)

"I don't have a problem with [government surveillance]. I don't have anything to hide," Turner said. "I wish there was more government monitoring. I want to know if somebody on my block is reading a book on how to build a bomb or if there is anyone reading 'Catcher in the Rye.' They say there's a link between that book and many serial killers.

via WWDN

What the hell is "contempt of flag"?!? I have pretty much had it with fools who value a rectangle of colored cloth more than they do the First Amendment.

"There was a time when the Arabs said that their books were written in Cairo, printed in Beirut and read in Baghdad. Now they burn libraries in Baghdad." Robert Fisk, in The Independent

The kook parade.

Damn that Michael Moore backlash! (Dare I hope that some politician can follow his lead and get backlashed right into the White House?)

Sound recordings (oh, so many!) from the American Memory Collection of the Library of Congress. There's something very Jetsons about listening to seventy-year-old recordings, made on an early reel-to-reel recorder, as mp3s downloaded from the internet. And these bits of the past aren't Buddhas the Taliban can destroy, nor looters steal.

The Lunacy of Misguided Patriotism (from the Detroit Free Press)

You know, occasionally I wonder things. Things like, what if famed poet William Butler Yeats had written for the TV show Laverne & Shirley?

INT - LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY'S LIVING ROOM

          LAVERNE:
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN.

          LENNY AND SQUIGGY:
Hello!

I'm so sorry...I'm so very sorry...

Now that the Two Towers fake uproar has settled down, one wonders what new outrage might be on the horizon. What, indeed.

It's Picnic Day again, and I'm not there. (Of course, it's just not the same without Lawsuit playing.) Get downtown early enough to stake out some curbside space to watch the parade (one year I actually got to be in it, riding in the anchor seat of a bicycle built for four). Try not to get rained on. Walk around campus afterwards -- see the nematode exhibit, the fistulated cow, listen to the astounding UC Davis/Sac State/Humboldt State/Stanford Battle of the Bands down by Putah Creek, eat an It's-It or two, and then, tired but happy, bike home and have a barbecue.

Good times.

I'm famous! The MRJEFF3000! blog is now the number one Google result for the search term "mrjeff3000"! Quite an accomplishment, doncha think?

If only they'd turned their powers toward playing the stock market, they'd be billionaires by now.

Everybody loves 20th century American classical music (although I am told that a few poor souls are still unwilling to admit it). Minnesota Public Radio brings us American Mavericks, a 13-part radio series, and more importantly, website with two streaming music channels and hours of works performed by the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra.

Worried about someone else making money off your photo of Elvis working at the gas station down the street? The US Copyright Office to the rescue!

You think Doctors Without Borders would let kids ride around on a fuckin' decapitated rusty statue head without a helmet?

Get Your War On: V.I. Day!

Dr. Saleh had begun to weep, and I could hear him catching his breath. He tried to compose himself, and we said goodbye to Ali. Neither of us spoke as we walked down the hall to the sterile room, where the orderlies took off our smocks and masks. Dr. Saleh rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat several times. We went back to his office, and he washed his face in a sink. "So it's untrue what they say about doctors being able to suspend their emotions," I said.

He looked at me. His eyes were pink. "We are human beings," he replied. He explained that Ali knew that he had lost his arms, but that he had not acknowledged it yet: "He is conscious. He can see the stumps." Ali would likely die within three weeks.

Many of us have heard of the plight of Ali Ismail Abbas, whose family was killed and who was himself horribly wounded after a missile hit his home. Although a fund has been set up, his prognosis is, well, not good.

Today I said goodbye to an old friend, who’s supported me and been around me for the past 31 years. He never did get me into the Welsh football squad but even so I hadn’t planned for our parting to be so sudden. Sometimes, though, life takes an unexpected course.

Stuart Hughes doesn't have a lot of snarky links about pop culture in his blog, Northern Iraq Weblog.. The BBC producer, who was injured by a landmine explosion in northern Iraq which killed cameraman Kaveh Golestan, writes instead about the dangers of reporting from the Kurdish front, other reporters who have been killed, and about losing his foot.

"Those who deface a Hummer in words or deed, deface the American flag and what it stands for."

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees

I missed the PBS episode of Independent Lens about the song Strange Fruit last night. I hope they show it again. (If you haven't heard it, here's an mp3 of Billie Holliday, who made the song famous. )

Twin Peaks came along a decade too soon: The Secret Blog of Laura Palmer.

Lowry Mays is the Big Daddy of radio. The founder and CEO of Clear Channel, Mays oversees 1,233 radio stations with some 100 million listeners across all 50 states, and runs a company with $8 billion in revenues and a $23 billion market cap. But ask Mays about what he does for a living and you won't hear much about musicians or how to bring up ratings or who's the best DJ. Those things don't interest him much. Truth is, Mays isn't that passionate about what goes out over the airwaves. As long as his broadcasts sell ads, he's happy. "If anyone said we were in the radio business, it wouldn't be someone from our company," says Mays, 67. "We're not in the business of providing news and information. We're not in the business of providing well-researched music. We're simply in the business of selling our customers products."

Fuck you, ClearChannel (Part XVIII)

Six years later, the Jonbenet Ramsey murder case still occasionally burbles to the surface. Well...we don't have Osama yet, either. Here's to another half-decade of accusations and recriminations!

Thin Ice (a parable). Remember -- anyone who's against war in Iraq really wants American soldiers to die.

Vertigo...Then and Now compares screenshots from Hitchcock's 1958 movie with photographs of the same locations taken in 2003. Really cool stuff.

The Hartford Advocate has a wonderful editorial, "I Miss America".

I miss Richard Nixon. What I mean is, I miss the days of Richard Nixon when, even while the Trickster and Spiro Agnew were abusing power, a loyal opposition resided in Washington, D.C. I miss the days when a loyal opposition was bipartisan, well-spoken and independent-minded, when it included people like Daniel Moynihan, who died this week, and Lowell Weicker, then a Republican Senator from this great state. I miss the time when the Republican Party had smart people in it, even if you disagreed with them, people like Mark Hatfield, Barry Goldwater, John Chaffee. I miss the time when even so-called "doves" like William Fulbright, Mike Mansfield, George McGovern and Morris Udall were admired by those who voted differently from them. I miss the checks and balances that were built into our Constitution and worked so well for this nation up until November 2000.

The gates of summer open tonight. Daylight Saving returns!

Today's Question of the Day from Wolf Blitzer is particularly idiotic: "How long do you think it will take coalition forces to take control of Baghdad?"

One, this is a website "poll". Not a scientific poll, where a genuine cross-section of the population is asked the question, and the outcome is a fairly accurate picture of where things stand. But a fucking uncontrolled hey-go-ahead-and-tell-all-your-friends-to-come-over-and-skew-the-results website question which, if we are very lucky, actually requires you to delete the cookie before you go and vote again. Sure, it's been amusing to watch FARK take over some of the Forbes online polls, but I'm still naive enough to think that a purported news organization would have more integrity than this.

Two, if the political and military geniuses who planned this war don't know how long it'll take (and it has become obvious that they don't), then nobody does. And there's no point in asking. There is nothing useful that can be learned from this "poll", except for which faction does a better job of marshalling its forces to click the 'vote' button. Our future: the illusion of participation.