Fucking ROBBED

I have only one thing to say about this year's Academy Awards.

My roommate and I are pretty goddamned lucky that, when they revealed the winner for Best Song that the only thing I had in my hand was a bit of crumpled up paper towel. Otherwise, I'd have had to replace our television.

Hollywood is dead to me. D'ya hear? DEAD!

Knitting needles! IN MY EYES!!!

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to that segment of the MRJEFF3000 fanbase who have been very very very sad because I have not been blogging too much lately.

Sadly, the last few weeks have been among the most stressful of my life. It is very difficult to blog about wacky stuff when your job makes you want to keep sticking knitting needles in your eyes over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Does that answer your question, Chris?

Anyway, MRJEFF has been over to talk with HR, and is following up on a couple of promising leads. If any of you Gentle Readers have anyone MRJEFF should talk to in order to locate non-soul-destroying employment, please leave a letter in the hollow in the old oak tree over by old man Haney's place.

chuck_palahniuk: I got the article from Playboy ! I scann

A pretty fucking goddamned fucking funny story from Master of Mirth Chuck Palahniuk.

Ask Senator John Edwards about Valerie Lakey sometime, whydoncha? I'm sure you'll laugh and laugh...

Look At My Circumstance!

Selling SUVs, Big Time -- Someone at Lincoln-Mercury either Just Doesn't Get It, or else is the most evilly cynical bastard on the planet.

(confirmed here)

"Would you fuck me? 'Cause I'd fuck me"

Ashton Kutcher is 30. But guess what, he's still hot and I'd still do him. "

Thirty? OLD???

Bitch.

(But she's still hot and I'd still do her.)

Nova Scotia Highway Web Cameras

Nova Scotia Highway Web Cameras

(The provincewide state of emergency is continued until further notice.)

A service to our Maritime groupies

Lake Agassiz

You think the Great Lakes are great? Not long ago, during the Pleistocene there were other giant bodies of fresh water that left their mark on the land. Lake Missoula. Lake Lahontan (remnants still exist as Pyramid and Walker Lakes). Lake Bonneville, of which Utah's Great Salt Lake is but a tiny fraction.

But the biggest of them all was glacial Lake Agassiz, larger than all five Great Lakes put together.
(Inspired by a recent comment at CalPundit.)

if ultragrrrl can hotlink this image, my blog certainly won't slashdot 'em...

Blog for America : A Beginning not an End | February 18, 2004

Dean's out of the race. I dunno - this could hurt his candidacy.

WOODTV.com & WOOD TV8 - Grand Rapids news and weather - Adult magazine part of school fundraiser

"Young girls with no panties, young girls in white socks, young girls looking at his wank-mags with him, young girls doing it with one another while he watched"

Becker was disgusted by what she was seeing on the pages of her teenage daughter's new magazine. 'I was appalled...I was very shocked...literally shaking when I was reading it."

Sonuvabitch! I had a subscription to Asimov's all through my junior high years, and I never had any idea that it was an ADULT magazine!

www.Anna Waronker.com

Okay, now this is a FOX "reality" series-in-the-making, innit? From former that dog bandmember Anna Waronker's website, the item:

Anna Waronker & Charlotte Caffey are finishing the scoring for "Lovelace: the Musical", starring Tina Yothers as Linda Lovelace. The musical is in the workshop phase and Anna & Charlotte were in NY recently. Currently Lovelace is being scheduled for a Spring opening Off Broadway.

Tina Yothers. Linda Lovelace. Maybe it's all the vodka-and-NyQuil I've been drinking, but after this, I gotta lie down for a while...

FOX Fall Schedule

So I'm flipping through the channels when all of a sudden a whole lot of little people in a hot tub take over the screen.

I didn't even have to look at the cable box to know. Who else but FOX could possibly combine America's love for "romantic" "reality" shows with its fascination with dwarfism? A second and a half of Janet Jackson's more-or-less uncovered breast gives a swooning nation a case of the vapors, but The Littlest Groom offends nobody!

Or, almost nobody. My first impulse was to think, hey - this opens up a whole lot of new possibilities! Like, Who Wants To Marry A Black Guy?, and Bachelor Jew! (Okay, my real first impression was, "Yay! Oompah-Loompahs!" Bad me.) Turns out I'm not alone - actor Danny Woodburn is also a little worried about where FOX is headed.

Behind-the-Blog: During the research for this entry, MRJEFF3000 staffers ran across Reality Blurred, a website exploring the manipulation of reality and its impact on culture and society. Added, added bonus: an essay by David Neiwert, of Orcinus fame.

"Deficit of Decency"

"Does any responsible adult ever listen to the words of this rap-crap?"
-Senator Zell Miller, music critic

Jizz and Pap

Once again Langdon informs us that this year's "Jizz and Pap" list is out.

The official MRJEFF opinion remains the same as last year's.

MSNBC - S. F. authorities officiate at scores of same-sex unions

Looks like it's been a good day for love. And it's not even Valentine's Day, yet!

...

Uh, oh... The stress of publicly sanctioned homosexual monogamy has broken up yet another relationship.


Oh, yeah -- that Ken is one raging heterosexual.

Fairy Dance

I may not know art, but I know what I like.

Julius Schwartz Dead at 88

The Silver Age is over.

Julius Schwartz, DC Comics' Editor Emeritus, has died at the age of 88. In his incredibly long, incredibly influential career, he did the kinds of things that nerds like me can only dream of. As a Golden Age of Sci-Fi literary agent, Schwartz sold the first Ray Bradbury stories. Later, as a comic book editor, he singlehandedly revived the superhero genre, by updating the Flash in Showcase #4. By the time I started reading comic books, "Julie" had become such an institution that he, as editor of the Ambush Bug books, frequently actually appeared in the issues, berating artist Keith Giffen and writer Robert Loren Fleming.

Harlan Ellison is writing the NYT obit, which should show up in a day or two.

UPDATE: 2/12
NYT's obit is online, by someone named Eric Nash.

Marc Evanier says that Harlan Ellison's tribute will appear elsewhere.

staugustine.com: Local News: Public records audit: Some records requests met with suspicion and threats 02/07/04

Thirty Florida newspaper recently decided to see just how their public officials would respond to requests for public records. (The Florida constitution guarantees the right of citizens to have access.) How did they do? Not so well, sadly.

Some government agencies tried to justify their suspicions by citing heightened security concerns brought on by the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

In a post-audit interview, Taylor County Superintendent Oscar Howard said his district was hesitant to produce his cell phone bill because the volunteer wouldn't give his name.

"He could have been a terrorist," Howard said. "We have to ensure the safety of children." [emphasis added]

Howard couldn't explain how a terrorist might use his cell phone bill to harm children.

JON CARROLL

He's not going to win. He'll drop out of the race soon, after losing in Wisconsin. But, says Jon Carroll, we all owe Howard Dean our thanks, for energizing demoralized Democrats (and 2000 Greens like yours truly).

I gave him $25. But the news media decided they didn't like him primary voters went for Kerry and Edwards. *sigh* ABB. That's the focus. Anybody But Bush.

Nebula Award Nominees Online

Slashdot tells us of this year's Nebula Awards for the year's best Science Fiction and Fantasy, and links to a couple of the nominees, including Greg van Eekhout's Will You Be an Astronaut?, which is a wonderful, inspirational and deeply chilling short story.

So I've had that dog's Retreat from the Sun for like five years now - how is it that I'm just now really getting into this album?

Maybe it's like a few months ago when I all of a sudden kept making myself Chinese chicken salads...

So...very...dizzy.... Must...lie...down....

Thanks, Sarah. Thanks a whole lot.

Meccapixel.com 1.13 | Michael Cosentino

I helped out Rashomon with his umlauts earlier today, and he's returning the favor by turning me on to Meccapixel. Photoblogging, like, uh, wordblogging, is really beginning to realize the power of the internet. Not only is the internet the place you really can find just about anything, but linkblogs are becoming word-of-mouth v2.0, filtering the best out of this incredibly vast infoscape.

When I started this post I really didn't mean for there to be quite so much e-jargon.

Anyhoo, isn't this just the New Yorkiest?

Mr. Picassohead

I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

Yahoo! News - Dean Calls FCC Probe of Breast Incident 'Silly'

Obviously Howard Dean is far too unstable to be president. Doen't he know we have to Think Of The Children?!?

Hey, how about those Super Bowl commercials?

Bud Lite: Ha! Ha! That preppie got bit in the testicles! That'll teach him for dressing well and having an attractive dog! Faggot.

Van Helsing: Looks like Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein given the LXG treatment. (I just realized - Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein [Frankenstein's monster, actually] are all Universal monsters. Way to crap on the legacy, guys.)

H&R Block: Are we really still making jokes about Willie Nelson's tax problems? Wasn't that twelve years ago?

Levitra: Baseball is like a pathetic, floppy, flaccid penis. Football is like the magnificent iron bar that is a monstrous erection.

The Budweiser ad with the donkey was cute.

Pepsi: People have been talking about the big iTunes song giveaway for months. Highly underwhelming commercial.

Bud Lite: Horse farts + candles = comedy gold. Tell me again why CBS won't show the MoveOn.org commercial?

Pepsi: Anything with Biz Markie gets my vote.

IBM/Linux: Muhammed Ali tells a ten-year-old Marshall Mathers to go open source. I think.

Halftime: What is Kid Rock wearing? It looks like he just took an American flag, cut a hole in the middle and wore it like a poncho!

The NFL 'Tomorrow' ad was cute, too.

Bud Lite: Is there a rule that all Super Bowls have to have chimp commercials nowadays? And this one has suggestions of bestiality! Tell me again why CBS won't show the MoveOn.org commercial?

Mastercard: Homer Simpson. Well, it was better than last week's episode.

ShardsO'Glass Freeze Pops: This doesn't seem like a very useful product. Oh, wait - it's an anti-smoking ad. I sure hope it doesn't advocate not smoking...

Chrysler: Okay, the guy is already stopped when he says "Wow." So we should hear it immediately. The sound isn't a mile back trying to catch up. You all noticed this right away too, didn't you?

And then it was over. New England beat Carolina, 32-29. Which, I guess, foretells a Kerry victory over Edwards. Or something like that.